long time dint update my blog...today just wan to sharing at here...all about my me...
sometimes feel that i wanna give up...
i wan to shout it out...
"IM TIRED~!!!!!"
im tired to facing my relationship...
im tired to facing him...
im tired to have this kind of bf...
i wanna alone...
i wanna leave him....
i dun wan always crying becos him...
he dun care me...ignore me ...scolding me...dun caring me...
i wan how to continue my relationship wit him...
i just wan alone to have my life...
everything about him...
i just wan to forget...

but until the end....
i cant tell him tat i wanna leave him...
my heart tell me...
why i wan so hard to tolerate him...
just now i argue wit him...
i reali burn it out..
i tell him everything wat i thinking now...
but he just like nth at all....
fine~!!!
he already make me broken heart ....!!
y this kind of bf  treat me lik tat i still wanna together wit him...
im sad...
he dunno...
im crying...
he dunno...
he wont care everything on me...
one day also dun have receive his call...
y i still wan him...
i dunno...
i dun dare to tell him everything....
i keep crying now...
but he dunno...'
all the problem i facing by myself....

in my mind...
only have " haiz "....

alone day~

yesterday i accident..
i give a car bang me...my head get hurt...
nobody noe...
becos i alone go night market....
when i was going bak...suddenly the car turn in..
maybe he dint see me than bang me...i fall down..
tat time i was think...
"dear, where r u, can u help me ? "..
but...until the end i dint call him...

the person say send me to hospital...
i say no need...

just a small matter...

my head get hurt only...

he apologize wit me...

actually cannot blame him at all...

maybe the time i walking..

i thinking things...
so i dint attention got car is turn in...

i just noe my head is fucking pain now..

i going home...

i dun dare to tell anyone...

i go bak my room...

im crying...

becos i wan to let him noe...

but...

he dint sms me or call me...

tat time he was wit friend...

he dint care me at all..

so i just keep crying...

i scare my brain got blood...

so i dun dare to sleep...

until he reach home...

i cry infront of him...

but he lik nth...

he dint ask me y im cry, dint ask wat happen on me...

tat time i was damn hurt...

i damn sad...

wat he also dun wanna to caring me...
he just tell me...

he wanna sleep...

i keep calling him...
but he off his phone edi..

izit he can do tis fucking things for me?

huh.......

wat kind of tis bf...?

suan la...

he dun wanna to noe...

i also dun wan to call him...

i just sms him....let him noe...

until mid night i only can sleep..

i scare i sleep edi i cant wake up anymore...

but today im wake up de...

i have a nightmare...

i dreaming about tat im reali dead...

i leave him go another world edi...

izit tis dream will be true?

i dunno.....
i dint tell him...

he asking me got go see doctor ma...

i say no need...

i noe tat he dun believe me...

nvm la..

he dun believe...

i also no need to explain anymore...

becos he dun trust me..

see la..

his gf accident he also dun trust...

if i reali dead...

he also not trust rite?

he think i bluff him..

excuse lo..

y i wan to lie him?

is good for me?

IS NO~!!!

he dun caring me n loving at all...

i noe de....

i can feel it...

if he reali love me...

can he show for me how much he love me?
until now my head still pain...

just now i go outside alone walk walk....

its raining de...

i hope tat i can suddenly die in the road..

becos i loose everything....

i loose my love n him...

if i die edi...

no more sad n hurt for me...

but i love him...

i reali love him so much...

he dunno...

now he at his friend sister wedding dinner...
friday is our together 1000 days...

i think he wont remember de la...

1000 days....

is a big number....

next year i will Pokai edi...

i have to prepare present n use a lot money...

i need to buy valentine's day present...3rd years anniversary present....

and the most important the present is him 21st birthday present....

i already think wat i wan to buy edi...

next month i wan to save money edi...

hmm....
just now check the i-phone 4s price...

feel wanna buy...

but i feel wanna use couple phone wit him...

dunno he wan a not...

haiz..

burberry n LV bag...

when i only can get u ?

ask him to buy for me...

but he give me the answer is NO~!!

suan la..

dun wan to ask him give me everything tat i wan...

cos is no use...

he wont buy for me de la..
buy by myself la...

dissapointed day for me T__T

today is the day im giving up about the happen....
wat is tat?
i asking him will him register wit me at next year 12-12-2012?
he say wit me...
"i love you la ...ok...pls dun ask me ok...let me time lo can ma.."
wat mean is tat?
everytime i get the answer is nth...
i was feel so hurt...
y he cant get my point?
a girl say wanna register wit him...
he sure feel happy n lucky...
but he not...
he just lik nth...
he dun care everything...
i crying again...
its not becos im small gas....
is im hurt..i feel sad....
suan la...
he dun wan to register wit me..
i wont force him anymore...
i give up...
im tired to get the answer from him...
i noe....
he dun love me...he dun wan me be his wife...dun wan me be his lao po..
if he love me...
he wont make me dissapointed...
i wont asking him anymore...
its enough de...
i have no more confident...
i put a lot hopes for him...
i give him chance...
but until the end i get dissapointed....
nvm la...
alone forever la...
be the person in is heart is no place ...
forever be his gf enough de....
i hope tat he can give me happines...
and i just wanna give him my a part of life...
but he dont wan...
he dun waN wit me until end of the world n until the end i die....
dun force him n wont asking him anymore...
katherine lee...
let urself to put down...
start ur alone life...
wat a romantic propose marriage...
all just is dream...
will not be true in my life..
wake up la..!!!
its just a dream~!!!
he wont married u~!!!
12-12-2012 is not u n him register day~!!!
until the end he wont married u also~!!
ur wish n hopes at 21st married him wont be true...!!
let it go n give up k~!!!

im crying...
is i dissapointed...
cos i tell a guy say i wan to register wit him...
but he dun wan...
i feel so malu...
tis things in my life for me is very malu...
tell myself stop crying....
but i cant~!!!

ryan ng chen wei...
u will nvr noe how much i dissapointed...
u will nvr noe how much i love u...
if got 1 day i leave tis world..
u will regret u dint married me ma??
today is 12-11-2011...
until next year today...
will we register ?
when my finger will wearing ur married ring?
:'(
T___T

breaking heart (the 3rd days)

wat im doin now?
listen song..crying...emo...
tis is all tat wat i can do now...
yesterday he came find me..
i treat him very very cold..
tis is wat i wan?
i dunno..
i just have the feel wan to do it...
now...
he at sunway..
he go pitbull concert...
until now...
he also dint reply my msg...
he got time play facebook also dun wan to reply me...
i hate it...
the last msg he send for me is "busy la wei drinking now "~....
tis is wat he wan to say wit me...
now my heart damn angry him...
i hate wat he did for me...
he not treat me as gf also...
he just care himself...
me? just lik a rubbish for him...
he go out wit friends wont sms me wan...
sometimes i think...
izit he go out wit another girl?
im trying to trust him...
but...
i dun no the answer he going out wit who...
now he lave me alone...
he dun care me at all...
he just drink...
my heart say "drink la , drink la , drink until u vomit , until u forget me ,dun remember me "
now my feeling is...
i dun care him edi...becos he also dun wan to care me...
izit he dun scare will run away n suddenly leave him?
i keep thinking a lot things...
i wanna to do it...
but...
i reali need a times...

be4 im the person always smile...
but...
after break up wit my ex..
i get hurt...
hurt until i wanna die...
now...
tis bf...
make me wanna die also...
im not xing ku together wit him...
is he dun understand wat i wan...
he make me angry, make me cry...
also dun wan to tam me bak...
i already so long dint hear he say "i love you baby" and "i miss you baby" wit me edi...
msg also dun have....sometimes...
i feel wanna alone to cry until enought..
cry until i tired....
im trying to eat the medicine to make me sleep well...
if got 1 day i leave...
wat he will feel...
i reali hope tat got 1 day...
i fall sleep edi until i cant wake up anymore...
becos i noe tat i cant stay here anymore...
becos i get hurt so much...
no ppl caring...
no ppl loving...
i reali cant feel tat im happinese now..
reali cant...

katherine lee...
cry la...cry until enough...
until u die at 1 day...
leave the world...
how much u cry..
how much u heart pain..
ryan ng will never noe..

i keeplisten tis song n crying now...
i wanna get drunk... T__T
http://youtu.be/RrZotyFi7S8

trying to smiling :)

long time dint update my blog...
today is tuesday (29-11-2011)..
my mood is very very down :(
how come will lik tat..
becos my relationship...
is damn bad...
hmmm...
now im using ear phone to listening song...
just wan to make my mood feel better...

i keep crying now...
i cant stop it...
i dunno y...
maybe i like to cry...
but i noe tat i have reason to cry....
nobody will understand me..
exspecially u...
u noe how long we together?
y u still cant understand me?
how come i will become very emo, like to cry?
i dunno also...
i dunno wat happen on me..
i just noe my life is fucking not good now...
everything i already told u...
but...
still is the same...
u nvr change...
u nvr caring me much...
i cant feel it u loving me....
wat happen on us?
i tired to face all tis shit happen...
i tired to say it...
when u only can understand wat i wan....
eveerytime we argue...
i tell myself...
"katherine Lee, u must leave it, dun thinking too much ,after sleep will be nth happen anymore..."
but after i wake up...
u still dint tam me...
everytime i feel so dissapointed...
y u will become lik tat...
izit u wont scare me will ignore u?
izit i bu zhi de u tam me?
izit u still treat me as ur gf?
tis all question keep in my mind..
i cant get the answer...
when i ask u " y until now u still nth wan say wit me n tam me? "...
u sure will reply...
"wat u wan , busy now , ltr talk can ma, wat u wan somemore ? "...
u noe ma...
i hate u reply all tis shit answer for me...
tats y u make me more dulan wit u...
but u wont understand...
u just will feel me small gas...
u noe ma...
im not small gas...
i just wan get caring from u...
just wan u put me in the 1st...
but...
u dun have...
wat i wan u nvr do for me...
is nvr~!!
u still remember y i wan u register wit me at next year ma?
i dun dare infront to tell u..
i just dare to write at here...
i wan to married u becos i scare i no more time edi...
next year is 2012 edi...
izit will end of the world?
i dunno...
so i just wan faster married u...
be ur real wife in my life...
but...
u dun wan...
u dun wan to give me answer...
suan la,...
i wont asking u anymore...
fang xin...
u dun wan to married me...
i wont force u...
becos i have to decide something tat u will nvr noe...
im tired to cry becos u....
u not caring me nvm...
u not loving me nvm...
i noe tat i love u the most can edi...
i love u...
u noe ma?


katherine....crying out la...he will nvr noe how much u sad..
how much u cry becos him...
i wanna be strong..but i cant..
ryan ng...
wat r u treat me now?
huh...tell me the answer n show it for me can ma...
;(

god..bring me go along...
i dun wan to stay here anymore...
T_____T

today is last day fotr may at 2o11...
still got 2 more days i will going cameron highlands wit my dear...
is our 1st time 2 person honeymoon....
hope will have a safe trip wit my dear...

recently my life is not so good....
my mood so down...
after he starting playing badminton...
he every monday & tuesday also will going to play badminton....
at 9.30pm until 11.30pm....
actually im not dun let him play...
is i dun like he play at night...
cos he no time to accompany me....
but he misunderstand me...
haiz...
i feel so emo now...
cos when i need him...
he not at here...
i feel he always put me a side...
leave me alone...
i feel so lonely...
lik nobody to care me...
now he care is badminton n his car....
not me...
he told me be4...
he will give up his car 1st...
than buy a new phone for me...
but now..
he just say only...
he keep change his car...
add a lot things...
but my new phone...
is gone edi...
haiz..
always is his car n badminton...
than me is wat?
he can becos go play badminton than go n buy a new racket...
but my phone is going to spoil edi....
he also dint buy a new phone for me...
just feel now im not so important for him la...
so now i will feel so emo...
i make myself lik dun care him go anywhere...
i not wan to treat him lik tat...
is i reali dun wan care it...
if i care...i sure willargue wit him...
so i dun wan...
i just tolerate...
i unhappy..moody...crying...
i also dun wan tell him...
just keep it in my heart...
cos tell him is no use...
suan la...
just let him do wat he like la...
i cannot control him...
ltr he say i dun give him freedom...
but he got think wat he give me ma?
he will nvr noe...
izit i have 2 day will leave him when i feel he is let me alone always?
i dunno...

i think now i need to do something now..
is about my sick...
just need to write a letter if i reali suddenly die without no reason...
dear...
if 1 day i reali leaving u...
pls forgive me...
i noe my sick is cannot to control anymore...
tis few day my headache is very pain more than be4....
i noe my brain sure have something inside...
if i suddenly sleeping until cannot wake up...
is means i already leaving tis world edi...
but u must promise me...
dun sad....
dun cry...
cos i dun wan see u sad...
i just hope when i still live..
can happy together wit u...
just hope have a nice memory wit u..
i dun no we can married a not...
maybe when u wanna to married me...
i already leaving here....
but i think u wont so early wan to married me..
cos u tell me be4 u wont so young married...
u say next year we will engaged at 12-12-2012...
is it will be true?
i dun no..
just wan live when i still have time..
remember...
when i not here...
must take k yourself...
remember tat baby love u so much....
i will always at beside u to protect u....
will be ur angel....
dear....
i love u so much...
thx for u take k me...
take for everything u gave me...
u always in my heart...
muackss...
love u my dear... :)

just now chatting in phone wit my dear...
i crying lik hell in the phone..
cos recently i reali damn no mood...
i keep worry something...
about me n my dear relationship..
i feel our relationship not good edi...
we keep argue...
i keep thinking izit got 1 day we will break up...
i scare i will be alone...
cos i hate alone..
i need a ppl caring n loving me...
tat person is my dear...
cos i feel i reali love him much...
i reali cant leave him...
i dun no y i suddently will feeling it...
izit im crazy...
i dun no...
i just hope our unhappy things will passed it..
start our new life...
i will wait the date we engaged (12-12-2012)...
izit will end of the world at next year?
i dun dare to think...
i hope wont happen it....
cos i have a lot things havent do....
i havent earn money until enough...
havent married wit my dear...
havent have a family wit my dear...
havent have a children wit my dear....
havent go a lot place wit my dear...
still have a lot things i need to do...
just hope the world wont end so fast....


still got 1 things i dint tell my dear...
is about my healthy...
tis few days after stand up....
i feel lik wan pengsan edi...
keep headache...
feel my healthy not good edi...
izit i will die fast?
haiz...
i dun dare to tell him....
i scare he will worry..
tat time take my blood test...
after the report come out....
doctor say i not enough blood...
n xue tang di....
haiz...



until now i already lost 6Kg edi...
i must faster slim it...
no matter how hard also...
just wan my dear can see me become leng lui...\
haha..
cos i noe tis is he wish...



dear...
baby love u so much...
i will remember wat u promise me oo...
u say u wont leave me n will love me forever o..
i will trust u o...
muackss... :)